Re: Going to bed!

Hi, Momma.
I'm glad you got the packages, more or less in tact. What was damaged? I'm losing all my faith in the postal system. I'm glad Keira loves the fairy. Give her a hug and a kiss from me, kay?
Once again, my companionship's been changed up. We're no longer a 'tri-panionship.' The senior companion was transferred to go train a new short-term missionary, so Syster Dabb (my MTC companion) and I have been left with Uppsala all to ourselves. ...And we LOVE it! We're trying to make the most of this time we have to learn for ourselves, instead of just following the 'older' companion's lead all the time. Sure, we may make a lot of mistakes, but it's fun. We can laugh it off and keep going. I adore Syster Dabb. Being her companion again has helped me feel lighter and brighter than I have for weeks and weeks.
I realize it's been a long time since I've really talked about how the work's going over here. Uppsala's a really interesting area. The ward is really tiny and really weak. Syster Dabb told us when we first arrived that the area was going to close for missionaries, but about a week before that would've happened, a boy moved into the area who had been meeting with other missionaries, and he was ready to get baptized. So the area stayed open and we moved down from Sundsvall just for the sake of this one boy's baptism (which hasn't happened yet, but we're working on it). And in that one week, everything changed. After months and months of no progress at all, people who wanted to learn more about the church just started coming out of the woodwork. We're working with three people who want to be baptized soon (we're aiming to have those happen before February's over) and a few others who could do the same if things go really well. In short, the work's wonderful.
I've been thinking a lot about the things you've said and felt about Chynna lately. I found a book in the ward library that I think might help. I read it this week, and I found some valuable insights in it. It's called "When A Child Wanders," by Robert L. Millet. You can find it through Deseret Book. And I want to suggest something that one of my leaders here shared with me. He explained to me that it's not fair for us to measure success by other people's outcomes. He told me that my investigator's decisions (or the decisions my friend or future children make) don't determine whether or not I have been a good and successful missionary (or friend or parent). He suggested that maybe I need to measure my success simply by what I put into these relationships, rather than what comes out of them. He reminded me that Christ was the perfect Master Teacher, but even He was misunderstood and His teachings were rejected. Is Christ's mission make less perfect or his atonement less infinite by the fact that not everyone He came to save will let Him save them? The fact is, sometimes we DO know that there is a better way. We DO know that there are better choices that would give the people we love greater happiness. But Heavenly Father doesn't force His will upon us, and we shouldn't try to force it one anyone else. happiness and agency are inseparable. The Plan of Happiness revolves all around agency. Every commandment the Lord gives us is safeguard against things that rob us of agency. The purpose of Christ's atonement was to make total free agency possible. Lucifer's obsession always was and still is subjecting us to his will (whether to our exaltation or damnation), and for that reason I'm really trying hard right now to break this habit I have of wanting to MAKE people be good and trying to MAKE people be happy. I'm trying to learn how to just show love and be at peace, no matter what the people I love may choose. I'm hoping that in this way I can show my trust that the Lord will keep His promises and make all things right in the end.
And I think I've lectured long enough now. I hope something in all that is helpful to you. Whether it is or isn't, just know that I love you.

Love,
Syster Hillary Kiser

P.S. I'm just going to throw a suggestion out. I've spoken a few times with the mission therapist here since Casey passed away. It's given me an opportunity to just think out loud and have someone who can act as a 'sounding board' for me to talk at while I figure out how I think and feel about things. Sometimes I don't really know what I think about something until I hear myself say it. So I feel like it's done a lot of good for me. Especially because this is someone I don't have a personal connection to, so I don't have to worry about what he thinks, and I can just be honest. Have you considered asking the bishop or stake president if there's someone like that in the stake? It's not a matter of trying to 'fix' something that's broken, or getting analyzed and then getting all the answers to the problems. It just helps, I think, to have some help talking things out from someone who knows how to do that.

P.S.S. I just got a notice that I've got an overdue credit card payment.