Re: Momma

Dear Momma,
Thanks for answering all that stuff. I'm glad you've got some appointments set up for me. As for my throat, it's not sore, I just can't speak as low as I normally do. We've got a theory now. The elders in the next area over told us they've been having trouble with their throats too. Their voices started cracking when they moved down here. So maybe it's something in the atmosphere? The thing that really concerns me is the spot on my back. It's not super big, but it's two different colors and blurry around the edges, which I know is a bad sign. I want to get it checked as soon as possible.
I've been thinking about a lot of things lately - what I came on my mission for, what I've accomplished, what I'm doing now, and what I'm waiting for. For a long while now, I've felt like I've accomplished what I came here to do. Now I'm in a rut, and I wonder if there's much more here for me to do, or if I'm just waiting out the months. I don't like being divided between the mission's demands and my own desires for home and family life. It's not helpful to either side. All I really want to do is start my family, and I'm starting to think that maybe that's okay with God too. There's a reason why sisters are granted honorable releases for marriage. I'm not making any decisions about it right away. The mission president is going to be down here this week, so I'll talk to him and see what he has to say. And of course, I'm praying about it a lot. So far, I don't have nay clear answers. I won't decide to come home early without an answer about it from God. I hope I haven't distressed you with anything that I've written. I don't want you to think I'm giving up or abandoning my mission or anything like that. I've just recently realized that I'm not an elder and I'm not required to stay here the full 18 months, considering the circumstances that I'm in, so I want to know what God has to say about it. I probably should have started wondering and asking about this 4 months ago. I'm just slow sometimes, I guess.
I honestly don't know how all this wedding stuff is supposed to work out. I very much want you there, whichever side of the country it's on. I don't really consider not having you there an option. We're hardly even considering Nate's family (aside from his parents) because they've already given their consent to have it wherever and whenever, and we know my family doesn't have so many opportunities to see children married properly. I'm trying my very hardest to find a time that would allow you and all the rest to be there, and it just doesn't work, however I've tried to arrange it. It looks like the only way I could possibly get you there would be to get married at Christmas. And I want to include as many as possible on both sides. Have you considered that it would probably be fairest to have the temple ceremony on one side of the country and the ring ceremony on the other? That way, there's something for everyone. I think more of the folks on our side would appreciate the ring ceremony. But I don't know.
We're trying to get ready for Anette's baptism. The mission president will be interviewing her this week, if we can find a time that works for him and her both. I hate trying to coordinate busy schedules. She's really scared. Her friends and family think she's crazy, and her parents would disown her entirely if they knew. But she's going through with it anyway because she knows this is true, and she just can't stand to keep coming to church without being a member. She's got a lot of faith. Pray for her.
Sister Sprague and I have had an interesting week with a lot of ups and downs. Her family's going through some hard times right now. Her brother's marriage is falling apart, and he wrote her last week and told her he was thinking of killing himself. It was the eeriest feeling, thinking of her family going through the exact same thing we did (when she's at the exact same point in her mission that I was too). I wrote to her brother, and him my story - Casey's story. I tried to help him really see what kind of effect that decision would have on his sister and the rest of his family. Things are still rocky, but we think he's doing better now. I'm glad I'm here with Sister Sprague right now. I'm glad that she has someone with her who really understands the seriousness of these things, and I'm glad that I could use the things that have happened in the last year to help someone else. We'd appreciate it if you could say a prayer for her family too.
I love you very much, Momma. I pray for you each day, and I really do hope you're seeing answers to those prayers as God touched your life. I know He cares so deeply about all of us. He just wants us to be happy, and He's provided everything we need for that to be so. Keep praying, working, and remember to smile.

With all my love,
Syster Hillary Kiser